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21 Mar 2011
Essays of the Week Permalink

ON LIBYA

March 21, 2011

 

Deciding What to Do About Libya

I was watching something about Libya today, and was thinking about my seventh-grade buddy, Bobby Varno.

Bobby was the most bad-ass kid in our class at St. Francis.   Fast, aggressive and a big first punch.  Nice guy, just got in too many fights all the time.  He told me he hated Tom Vicerello’s guts, and was going to pound his face in.

I told him that was bad idea — that Vicerello had a bunch of friends — that were bigger and meaner.  That they’d be the problem, not Vicerello.

He pounded Vicerello anyways.  Beat the living crap out of him.  Guess what Vicerello did?  Got all his hoodlum friends to go after my buddy.  For the next two years, became my buddy’s worst nightmare.

And I even warned my buddy, “Didn’t you just do the same thing to Steve Galinski?  Didn’t everybody say he wasn’t the bully — that you were?   Why would you want everybody in the world to hate your guts?”

The moral of the story…

Just because you can beat some jackass up, doesn’t mean you should.

 

 

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15 Sep 2010
Jimmy Dunne Says... Permalink

Competitive Advantages

September 15, 2010

PACIFIC PALISADES, CALIFORNIA.  SEPTEMBER 15, 2010
Stunning 32 year-old Azteca Sports Reporter Ines Sainz is stirring it up in the news – because she says “it’s not fair” that New York Jets football players give her cat calls when she comes in their locker room  for interviews and stare at her from behind on her way out.

Ines, here’s my advice to you.  Ten years from now, when you can’t get those interviews, and they’re not staring at you from behind when you walk out the door, guess what you’re going to say?  “It’s not fair.”

Yours,

— Jimmy Dunne.

15 Sep 2010
Jimmy Dunne Says... Permalink

The ‘Sky Rider’

September 15, 2010

PACIFIC PALISADES, CALIFORNIA.   SEPTEMBER 14, 2010
The airlines industry introduced a fabulous new airline-direction today… the ‘SkyRider.’ Instead of sitting in a seat on the plane, you sit/stand straight up, like a cowboy, in a ‘saddle.’ Dominique Menoud, the spokesperson said, “Cowboys ride 8 hours a day on their horses, and still feel comfortable in the saddle.” Instead of seats being 32 inches away from the guy behind you, he’s now in his saddle breathing down your back 23 inches away.

Boy, that sounds like a fun plane ride.

I’ve got an idea for the industry to save even more space, and cram more people on a flight. Let’s skip carry-on luggage all together. God only knows how many people you could shove in those overhead racks. More than enough room for short people, and lots of old people. Or what about ‘Convertible Class’ seating? There’s gotta be a way you could strap a bunch of people on the wings…

Yours,

Jimmy Dunne.

22 Aug 2010
Jimmy Dunne Says... Permalink

MIRACLES

August 22, 2010

 

 

Miracles

In Northern California, there’s been another sighting of the Virgin Mary outlined in the bark of a tree.

Thousands of folks (and the press) have been flocking to the small town to walk into the forest and witness this miracle first hand.

I cut my finger a couple days ago.

Within seconds after some bleeding, an army of blood cells raced up to my finger to do the impossible… They glued it together, killed the infection, and built a tent (a scab) over the cut so they could work without any distractions.

The team sewed the skin back together to look as good as new, and then they took their tent down.  No fanfare.  No press.  No tours.

The miracle isn’t what’s on the tree.  It’s the tree.

 

Yours,
Jimmy Dunne.

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16 Aug 2010
Jimmy Dunne Says... Permalink

Spilling the Truth

August 16, 2010

PACIFIC PALISADES, CALIFORNIA.  AUGUST 9, 2010.
In the early days of the spill, remember BP and federal officials promising there were, at most, 5,000 barrels per day spewing into the ocean?  Whoops.  Now we know it was north of 60,000 a day.

That’s like a teenager coming in the middle of the night with alcohol on his breath swearing, “Dad.  I had one beer, and I didn’t even finish it.”  And the next morning you find 12 crushed Coors cans in the back of your car.

    Yours,

    — Jimmy Dunne.